We asked a Trans woman and her husband who met on MyTransgenderCupid to explain in their own words what they thought about each other when they first got in touch. And how their relationship and feelings for each other developed. Farak is originally from Turkey but has lived in Munich, Germany for many years. Lola is a Transgender woman who was born in Cologne but moved to Munich when she was a child.
We asked them both to honestly describe their thoughts and feelings as they were getting to know each other. Plus, to give readers some idea of the challenges they faced as Lola is a Trans woman.
Hi, Farak and Lola. Maybe take turns in telling us about how you met on MyTransgenderCupid and how you realized you were meant for each other.
Farak: Sure, maybe I’ll start if that’s okay. From my late teens, I’d always been intrigued by Trans women. There was far more information becoming available about T-girls and many were starting to be quite visible in the news media and also on social media. I admired their beauty and grace and, so, started doing some research about Transgender issues.
Lola: Well, I grew up knowing I was different but not quite sure why. It was difficult because I didn’t, at that time, seem to fit into the stereotype of a male nor was I outwardly female. Yet, I always preferred the company of girls and was happy to join in all of their games. This included playing “dress up” but I couldn’t understand why my parents and brothers would tell me off for wearing a dress or top and skirt. In fact, my brothers kept asking me if I was gay! It was only when I was in my mid-teens did I realize that I was, in fact, Transgender. I made a conscious decision when I was 18 to transition to be who I was meant to be.
Finding Transgender women to date in public places is counterproductive
Farak: I tried to meet Trans women in bars and clubs or at gatherings for people of societies which cater to the LGBT community. But didn’t really have much success. Firstly, there were few T-girls around in such places. Secondly, many were nervous about meeting a man who may well only want a short-term liaison or who had a fetish for a “chick with a dick”. It’s hard for men to find a genuine Transgender woman to date; just as it is hard for a T-girl to find a nice man.
Lola: I agree with that 100%. It’s probably the biggest challenge we Trans women have. Finding someone to understand us and take us seriously. Someone who knows it is not a lifestyle choice but rather a matter of “life and death”. In order words, if we don’t transition and live as females we will gradually wither away and die!
Farak: I can empathize with that. I learned very quickly that Trans women are emotionally females. They may have an extra body part but that’s the only real difference with genetic women. Anyway, one day I met a friend who I knew had similar interests in T-girls and he gave me the link to MyTransgenderCupid. It sounds like a cliché, but I looked at the site and joined within minutes. Then, within the hour I had seen Lola’s profile and we started chatting that same evening.
Lola: (laughs). I remember it well. I’d only been on the site for three days and had not really got my profile to be as I wanted it. My photos were not right. Then, suddenly, I had this deluge of messages from men looking for a genuine T-girl. But Farak’s messages stood out. He was so nice and understanding. I could tell he was genuine by his choice of words.
There are so many Transgender women online looking to date
Farak: Really? (laughs). I remember, I saw photos of this beautiful Transgender woman on the site and my heart skipped a beat. I knew Lola was the one for me, it was just a question of how to convince her.
Lola: It was pure coincidence that we were both living in Munich, albeit in different suburbs. But it made the decision to meet that much easier. We chatted online for two or three weeks, then Farak suggested we meet.
Farak: Actually, I wanted to meet in person a few days after we’d met online but knew Lola was right when she said best get to know each other better. Learn about each other’s likes and dislikes, careers, plans for the future and so on.
Lola: When we did finally meet, I felt it was my destiny to meet him. A handsome man, with a great personality. Someone who could love me no matter if I was Trans or not. Plus, didn’t mind what the rest of society thought about us as a couple. You know, some people are still very prejudiced against those who are different.
Trans women make great wives
Farak: Well, all I knew was that Lola was the woman for me. It was just a question of time before we were dating seriously. Honestly, there was a bit of resistance from my family at first. However, once they had met Lola, they realized that she is just like any other woman. And now she is my wife!
Lola: (with a big smile) Yes, we got married just over three months ago. I’m so happy, all thanks to my decision to join MyTransgenderCupid!