Just over a year ago, around X-mas time, I suggested to my good friend, Melissa, that she join MyTransgenderCupid. I had joined a month prior and was very pleased with my decision.
My name is Sarah and I live in Copenhagen. I knew I was a Transgender woman from my earliest memories. Growing up as a female in a male body was tough but the thought that, one day, I would finally transition kept me going.
Anyway, Melissa and I have been good friends for over three years since we both had breast implants around the same time at the same city hospital. We kept in touch and, quite coincidentally, had our gender confirmation surgery within two weeks of each other.
Funnily enough we both made our own independent decision not to date men until we had had our surgeries. However, we know a lot of T-girls who decide to date when they are still in transition. Albeit that we are Transgender women, we both consider ourselves complete women. Neither of us had any interest in having sex with men who saw us as some sort of fetish or curiosity with our “extra appendage”.
Transgender women have different ideas about dating
Anyway, despite being so similar in many ways, we had distinctly different ideas about how to find a genuine man to date and, hopefully, have a long-term relationship with. Let me therefore tell you about some of Melissa’s experiences and then I’ll tell you about some of mine!
Melissa: I must admit at the outset of this piece that I was wrong. I thought it would be easy to find a genuine man in my home town, especially in the festive season. I only want someone who can love me for what I am. For one or two months before last X-mas, I tried various ways to meet men. First, I tried bars and nightclubs. Usually on a Friday or Saturday night I’d get all dressed up, wearing a new dress I’d bought earlier. I’d do my make-up and my hair and take time to journey downtown to where most bars and clubs are located. Often, I’d go with a friend, either another Trans-woman or a GG (genetic girlfriend). There were so many parties and events on the go to celebrate X-mas that I was confident I’d meet “Mr Right”.
We’d frequent a few bars (even though I don’t drink alcohol), keeping a lookout for single men looking to meet a Trans woman. Occasionally, a man would start talking to me but they were usually more interested in their friends or their drinks. Night clubs after the bars were even worse. By then most of the potentially eligible men were drunk. They’d been actively celebrating the X-mas holiday season. Or, worse still, their girlfriends showed up. Some men did talk to me and my T-girl friend but, as soon as they knew we weren’t genetic girls, they made an excuse and disappeared. Some even became rude. Some other men I met were simply looking for a one-night stand to see what it was like to have sex with a Transgender woman. They used coarse language, talking about “chicks with dicks” or “she-males”. I was really disappointed but kept trying as I was sure there was a nice man out there for me!
Almost all Transgender women have the same problems with dating
Then I tried joining social groups, hiking groups, even an art appreciation society through the local museum. I went to the X-mas party after X-mas party. But the issue was still the same. Men would happily talk and flirt with me until they knew I am a Trans woman. Then they’d suddenly remember they had something else to do or a fictitious girlfriend would appear. One man even arranged a date with me for the following weekend, only to cancel it two days later. “I just can’t take the chance of being seen out with a Transgender woman,” he said.
Finally, I had a try at joining some educational classes, mainly to see if I could find a nice man who might just be looking for a T-girl to date. But, as you might, imagine, no luck on that front either.
By now, I had just about given up and realized that I should make contact with Sarah again to see how she was getting on with online dating.
Sarah: it’s me again. As I told Melissa, it took me less than five minutes to join MyTransgenderCupid. And it was free! I am not joking but, within two days of joining, I had over 12 messages about my profile. I had some joker pretending to be Santa Claus but most replies were genuine. I deliberately kept the details I uploaded brief as wanted to start low-key. I also did not upload any overly glamorous photos. I wanted men to know me for my brains and character not just my 36-24-36 figure!
Of course, all of the men on the site know I am a Trans woman, so no misunderstandings there. They also all seemed to be looking for long term relationships so, again, a positive. The bottom line, as I told Melissa, was that, in a few days I had “met” more men looking to date than she had in months of trying offline.
At least she can admit she was wrong!
And now Melissa is a member of MyTransgenderCupid too. And dating a man she really likes! A perfect X-mas present for her!