I smiled across the table at him and raised my own wine glass, touching it gently against his. “Cheers to you too, Leslie! Here’s to another great year and to many more. I’m so happy we met!”
I must admit it felt like a dream to be sitting here in a top-class restaurant with the man I loved and who loved me. As a Transgender woman growing up in UK, I always worried that I would never be able to find a man who loved me unconditionally for what I am. Society at large likes to pretend it is liberal, and becoming even more liberal, but the reality for T-girls it is quite different. We are tolerated but not universally accepted. Often stared or gazed at in wonder but also with some degree of fear (fear of the unusual, I think). However, to be fair, things are improving little by little. Indeed, the younger generation (the millennials) is far more open-minded and accepting.
Being Transgender is part of your genetics
It’s a cliché I know, but nobody chooses to be Trans. Some critics who should know better think it’s a so-called lifestyle choice or something which one can grow out of. But, believe me it isn’t. Being Transgender is very much part of your DNA, just as having blonde or red hair or blue or grey eyes it.
And being Transgender and looking to date and find love is very challenging. As I hinted above, there are so many people with big prejudices out there. Unsubstantiated prejudices as most people simply don’t know any or many T-girls. They base their judgements on stereotypes they see in the media or read about in some of the low-class apologies for newspapers. So, to me, it’s no wonder specialised dating sites such as MyTransgenderCupid do so well. In a way, they offer a sort of “safe haven” for Trans women looking to date and men who want to date them. We can get together online and look for our ideal partner without the fear of any misunderstandings or pre-judgment.
Take my own life as an example of what T-girls have to face. Growing up I concealed my feelings of being different as best I could. I didn’t know why I liked to dress in girl’s clothes and act in a feminine way. I just knew that is was part of being me and that I had to do it.
There was no word such as “Transgender” in use when I was young. It wasn’t until I was pre-teens that I learned that there were other Trans women in this world. Yet, in the absence of the internet, there was no chance I could meet them. My feelings of what I now know as gender dysphoria intensified when I was about 13 or 14 and facing puberty.
T-girls need to be patient about dating
Fortunately for me, my parents were both from medical backgrounds, plus both were relatively liberal in their outlook. They were also understanding and 100% accepting of me. So, when I confessed to them that I was really a female inside a male body, they listened. They supported me through all of the meeting with doctors, psychiatrists and gender specialists. When I was finally confirmed as Transgender, my parents helped me make a plan. The encouraged me through the bad times and worked on getting me through my education whilst gradually transitioning.
I never wanted to date until I had completed all of the necessary surgeries. As I am a female, I like men. Before I was a “complete” female, even through I was presenting as a woman, I never felt comfortable dating. I was sort of in-between genders, at least in a physical sense.
Some of the best advice I ever received was from other Transgender women I subsequently met online. They said not to bother with so-called conventional dating. It was a waste of time getting ready, going to bars and restaurant or clubs and hanging around looking for a nice sincere man. They said all I’d find were “Tranny chasers” or men curious about what I have in my panties and bra.
Trans dating sites are the only real option
So, as soon as I felt ready, I joined MyTransgenderCupid, the foremost Transgender dating site. There are Transgender women from Europe, the UK, the US and Asia on the site. Plus, understanding men from all over the world, genuinely looking for a Trans woman to date.
I took my time and chatted to a fair few men on the site. I got to know several of them well, understood their personalities and characters. Some were simply not right for me. But that’s, just like “normal” girls who date several men before they find “Mr Right”. Some have remained good friends even though I’ve never dated them.
But when I met Leslie, as melodramatic as it sounds, we just knew we were right for each other. He is from UK also and had dated T-girls before, although had not been in a relationship.
He understands perfectly that Transgender women are emotionally women and need to be treated as such. Plus, in many other ways, he is so right for me! For all T-girls out there, I’d pass on the advice I was given: If you are serious about dating make it easy on yourself, go for a site such as MyTransgenderCupid at the beginning and avoid any dating hassles!