Definitions of Transsexual, Transgender, Queer, MTF, Cisgender

Trans people face many barriers in the dating scene, and one of the biggest is misinformation. If you want to date a trans girl (or any trans person), it helps to understand key words, terms, and expressions so you can communicate respectfully and build genuine connections.

Difference between transgender and transsexual?

Transgender is an umbrella term describing people whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth (male, female, or intersex). Not every transgender person pursues medical transition.

Transsexual historically refers to transgender people who pursue or have pursued medical transition (e.g., hormones and/or surgery). The term is still used by some, but many prefer “transgender” as it’s broader and often felt to be more respectful.

You’ll also see FTM and MTF used to describe transition direction:
• FTM: Female-to-Male — someone assigned female at birth who identifies and lives as a man (often called a trans man).
• MTF: Male-to-Female — someone assigned male at birth who identifies and lives as a woman (often called a trans woman).

What is a trans woman or MTF?

Whether or not someone has medically transitioned, a person may identify as trans. Lack of surgery or hormone replacement therapy (HRT) does not make a person less valid or “less trans.” Access to gender-affirming care can be limited by cost, availability, health, or personal choice.

“Passing” (being perceived by others as one’s affirmed gender) is not a requirement for being trans. Trans women are women. No one owes “passing” to anyone, and appearance does not determine identity.

Difference between gender and sexuality?

According to the BBC, “Sexuality is the word used to describe the sexual feelings we experience towards other people, although it isn’t necessarily about who we want to have sex with.” Examples include straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and asexual.

Gender (gender identity) is about who you are — for many people, that’s male or female and aligns with their birth sex. For others, their gender identity differs from what’s listed on their birth certificate. Many people identify as non-binary or outside the gender binary altogether.

Both gender and sexuality are spectrums. How someone identifies can evolve over time. That doesn’t make an identity less valid or “just a phase.”

What does it mean to be queer?

Today, many people use queer as an inclusive umbrella term for identities and orientations that differ from heterosexual and/or cisgender norms. While the word once had a strongly negative connotation, many LGBTQ+ people have reclaimed it. Even so, it can still feel triggering to some, so follow people’s preferences.

Queer can convey openness and fluidity — a sense that identity doesn’t need to be narrowly defined. It’s often used to express belonging to the LGBTQ+ community or to signal “I’m not straight,” without specifying a precise label.

Some questioning people use “queer” when they know they’re LGBTQ+ but aren’t sure which specific label fits, or prefer not to choose one.

What is cisgender? Is it the opposite of non-binary?

As defined by the Oxford Dictionary, a cisgender person is “someone whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.”

Non-binary relates to people whose identities are outside the male/female binary. Non-binary and genderqueer folks may identify as a blend of genders, as neither, or as something that shifts over time.

Terms to know before dating a Trans Woman

Many trans people choose gender-affirming therapy and/or surgeries. For a trans man (FTM), surgical options may include: bilateral mastectomy, hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (BSO), metoidioplasty (creating a neophallus using existing tissue), or phalloplasty.

For a trans woman (MTF), procedures may include: mandible (jaw) contouring, scalp advancement & forehead contouring (bringing the hairline forward and lifting the eyebrows), chin contouring, cheek augmentation, and lip lift/plumping.

Surgery and Hormone Therapy

Before surgery, many trans people follow steps such as:

1. Mental health evaluation: a qualified professional assesses readiness for specific steps, support networks, and coping resources.

2. Hormone therapy (HRT): affects secondary sex characteristics such as body hair, muscle mass, and fat distribution. For trans men, HRT can deepen the voice, increase muscle/strength, boost facial/body hair, and enlarge the clitoris. For trans women, HRT can redistribute body fat, increase breast tissue, reduce facial/body hair growth, and lower testosterone levels.

Non-binary

Non-binary (often written “nonbinary”) describes people whose gender identity exists outside the traditional male/female binary. They may feel both masculine and feminine, neither, or fluctuate between genders over time.

Some non-binary people use gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them, while others may prefer she/her or he/him. Each person’s experience of gender is personal and valid.

Genderfluid

Genderfluid refers to people whose gender identity or expression shifts over time. A genderfluid person might feel more masculine one day and more feminine another. This fluidity is a natural variation within the gender spectrum and is equally valid.

Genderqueer

Genderqueer is a term used by individuals who reject or challenge traditional gender categories. It overlaps with non-binary and queer identities but often carries a political or cultural message about resisting rigid gender expectations.

Pansexual

Pansexual people are attracted to others regardless of gender identity or biological sex. Their attraction is based on personal connection and emotional chemistry rather than gender presentation.

Pansexuality differs from bisexuality in that it explicitly includes attraction to non-binary and gender-diverse people.

Asexual and Aromantic

Asexual people (often shortened to “ace”) experience little or no sexual attraction to others. This doesn’t mean they lack romantic feelings — some identify as aromantic, meaning they feel little or no romantic attraction, while others still desire emotional intimacy or relationships.

Asexuality and aromanticism exist on a spectrum, and everyone’s experience is unique.

Intersex

Intersex refers to people born with physical sex characteristics (such as chromosomes, hormones, or anatomy) that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female. Intersex is a naturally occurring biological variation — not a disorder or disease.

Intersex people may identify as male, female, both, or neither, and not all undergo medical procedures to alter their bodies.

Gender Dysphoria

Gender dysphoria is the emotional or psychological distress experienced when someone’s gender identity doesn’t align with their sex assigned at birth. Not all trans people experience dysphoria, and experiencing it does not make someone “more” or “less” trans.

Treatment can include therapy, social transition, hormone therapy, or surgery, depending on individual needs and access to care.

Transition or Gender Transition

Transition refers to the process a person undertakes to live according to their gender identity. Transitioning may involve social, legal, and/or medical steps, such as changing a name or pronouns, updating legal documents, starting hormone therapy, or undergoing surgeries.

Every transition is different — there is no single or “complete” way to transition.

Pronouns and Preferred Pronouns

Pronouns are the words we use to refer to people in place of their names (e.g., she/her, he/him, they/them). Using the correct pronouns shows respect for someone’s identity.

If you’re unsure which pronouns to use, simply ask politely: “What pronouns do you use?” — or share yours first to create a comfortable space.

Deadnaming and Misgendering

Deadnaming is calling a transgender person by their birth name after they have changed it. Misgendering is referring to someone using incorrect gendered terms or pronouns.

Both can be deeply hurtful. If you make a mistake, briefly apologize, correct yourself, and move on respectfully.

HRT – Hormone Replacement Therapy

HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) involves using hormones to align one’s physical characteristics with gender identity. For trans women, this usually means estrogen and anti-androgens; for trans men, testosterone.

Effects of HRT differ for each person and depend on dosage, genetics, and medical supervision.

Passing and Stealth

Passing means being perceived by others as one’s affirmed gender (e.g., a trans woman being seen as a woman). While some trans people value passing, it is not required to be valid in one’s identity.

Stealth refers to living as one’s affirmed gender without disclosing being trans. This can offer safety or comfort but may also come with social challenges.

Gender Identity vs Gender Expression

Gender identity is how someone personally understands and defines their gender internally. Gender expression is how that gender is outwardly shown through clothing, behavior, and appearance.

For example, a person may identify as female (gender identity) but prefer short hair and masculine clothing (gender expression). Neither determines sexuality or worthiness.

Cross dresser

Someone who wears clothing typically associated with another gender without intending to live full-time as that gender. In the United States, the older term “transvestite/transvestism” is widely considered derogatory.

What is a Trans Man or FTM?

Trans man (FTM or female-to-male) describes a person who was assigned female at birth but identifies and lives as a man. Like trans women, trans men may or may not choose medical transition such as hormone therapy or surgery — both are equally valid.

Trans men are men. Transitioning medically or socially does not determine how “real” someone’s identity is.

Two-Spirit

Two-Spirit is a modern, pan-Indigenous term used in some Native American and First Nations communities to describe people who embody both masculine and feminine spirits. It reflects traditional gender diversity that existed long before Western concepts of gender and sexuality.

The term should be used respectfully and only by Indigenous people who identify with it. Non-Indigenous people should avoid self-identifying as Two-Spirit.

Ally

Ally refers to someone who supports and stands up for the rights, dignity, and inclusion of LGBTQ+ people, even if they don’t identify as LGBTQ+ themselves. Being an ally means listening, learning, using correct pronouns, and challenging discrimination when it occurs.

Drag (Queen)

In short: Performers — who may be straight, LGBTQ+, and/or cisgender — who artistically exaggerate masculinity or femininity.

In longer: Dramatic performance using gendered clothing and behavior, often contrasting with the performer’s own identity. Drag can be entertainment, homage, social commentary, or political expression. It does not indicate the performer’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

Shemale

“Shemale” is a term used predominantly in the porn industry for content featuring pre-operative transgender women. Because of these associations, it is widely considered disrespectful and offensive. Do not use this term when addressing transgender women.

Ladyboy

Ladyboy comes from the English translation of Kathoey and whose identity in English is best described as transgender women. The term ladyboy is mainly used, and mostly accepted, in Asian countries such as Thailand and the Philippines. But thanks to the porn industry, the term has acquired a negative name in the western world. Western transgender people can take it as negative and as an insult. However, since many of our transgender members are from Asia, we use it on MyLadyboyCupid. With this site we focus on transgender women from countries such as the Philippines and Thailand.

Want to learn more about dating respectfully and confidently within the transgender community? Read our Transgender Dating Tips.